Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
