I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
