Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
