mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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