did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
