just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
