I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
