I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
