New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
