Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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