Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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