Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
