If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
