There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
