My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize