Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
