yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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