never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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