so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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