Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
