i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
