I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
the raccoons are back...
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