maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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