never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
