the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
