You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
