she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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