Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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