I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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