He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
