Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
