Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
