Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
