why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
