I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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