he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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