My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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