i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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