Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
