can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
