I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
