I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
