i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
