got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
