I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i've created a new STD.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
