i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
