I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I only lived at night.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize