I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We just shotgunned beers for America
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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