he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
