Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
