(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
