Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
