Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
