Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
