I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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