Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
