if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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