my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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