We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
