Your dad touched me again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She's the barista slut.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
