TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
