What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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