I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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