I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
