before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
