i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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