Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Farmville is her only friend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
