Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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