Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
