I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
