saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
