i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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