the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
