life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
